On Being Present...

I remember an incident many years ago that taught me an important lesson. Our oldest child was four years old and her two sisters were three and one. I was sitting on the couch in an attempt to make my morning prayer while the girls played in the other room. I was rather new at this! I was desperately trying to be with God at the beginning of my day for a set amount of time. I did my best to incorporate this into my schedule. I suppose I had the idea that if I did it well, I might have some extraordinary experience like Teresa of Avila. Boy was I wrong!!! What I found, instead, was an endless barrage of unwelcomed "interruptions". Looking back they were the cutest of distractions, but they were keeping me from God; so I thought! I became increasingly frustrated that I couldn't stay attentive to Him without little voices asking for a drink, help with dressing a doll, or a diaper change. Something was very wrong! This "time of prayer" was more like a battle and I was definitely losing. To add to my discouragement, the phone rang and our oldest answered. I heard her say, "Mama can't come to the phone right now, she's doing her prayer." All I could think was "Why, Lord? I am trying to learn to pray and I can't! Now my humiliation is increased as it is publicised to a stranger!" Luckily, later on that day I was supposed to see my spiritual director...



To be candid, I was not looking forward to my appointment. At that point, I saw spiritual direction more as a report. Just like when I was in school I wanted it to be a good one. As I was just beginning to pursue growth in my spiritual life, I was very childish in my understanding and expectations. Looking back, I realize how much I resembled my little ones. I had similiar dispositions..."me, me, me" and "I can do it!" What a comfort to know that the Lord tells us that we have to be like little children to enter the kingdom of heaven. This helps us to be transparent and docile to being taught. It HELPS, but the real key is allowing God to be our Father. How I wanted to do this myself and my way; the way I thought prayer should be done. I wasn't being His child. I was letting myself pretend that I didn't need guidance. Thankfully, He is patient and understanding of our little tantrums and self absorption! Through my director I was able to adjust my attitudes and swallow a bitter pill!



Although desiring to set aside time to be with God is a good and worthy aspiration; my motivation and outlook simply weren't! Wanting to FEEL spiritual and pat myself on the back were the farthest thing from true prayer. Instead of perceiving my children's needs as keeping me from God, I was encouraged to see that He was speaking to me through them. CS Lewis once said something like "prayer doesn't change God, it changes me." As long as I held onto my expectations of how this prayer relationship should go, I would be at an impasse. It didn't take much to come to terms with the fact that it wasn't God who needed changing, but me. I needed to reassess my reasons for praying. Making the time to pray, to be with God is a sign of our love for Him. God is always present and available to us. Why? Simply because He loves and cares for us.



I needed to learn to give that time to God out of love and with no expectations. If my children needed something, would it be loving to ignore them or become cross with them? Instead of fighting the normal circumstances that fill my day, could it be that God was going to teach me that to love Him is as uncomplicated as finding His presence in all things and responding with His heart. Being truly present to those I find on my path, each day, will reveal His presence and in turn guide me to respond in love . Each moment will no longer be perceived as an affront to my plans, but will have the power to help me grow to be more like Him.

On Being Open...

Life can be so unpredictable. In fact, I rather like it that way! I am aware that with all of the uncertainty on Wall Street, this is not the best time to make such an acknowlegment, or is it? I'll admit that the turns in life that bring unexpected joys and pleasures are easier to embrace. Yet, I have found that the difficult ones, if accepted with trust and patience, can have an even greater impact for good. As a young girl , my mother taught me "All things work for the good for those who love God". That passage [Romans8:28] was a favorite of hers and has since become one of mine. How grateful I am that she lived out her love of that verse. If it had simply been a hopeful sentiment, it would never have become a legacy for me and the next generations. She really did believe, deep in her heart, that it was true. As a daughter, I reaped the benefits of her faith in that promise!

One of the characteristics of being a human person , a woman in particular, is the ability we have to be open or not. Open to the spiritual side of life, open to thoughts and ideas, open to people and their needs, open to experiences and circumstances and open to embracing fully who we were created to become. Have you ever opened a tool box? [I try at all costs not to go there!] If you were unfamiliar with the items, how could you possibly figure out which was the right tool? If someone wasn't there to help, you had to look at its exterior to figure out its purpose. With this rather slipshod analogy, I propose that as women, we were made to be open. This is not my own idea, but some of the most obvious facts can become obscured, if we are not careful! I must admit that I have heard some absurd and illogical ideas come out of the mouths of so-called "brilliant" people. It isn't too difficult for this to occur. If we get too puffed up with our egos, we can miss the simple truth, beauty and goodness found all around us. Creation bears the imprint of the One who created everything. I am always amazed at how children can often articulate a profound truth with utter simplicity!

I remember growing up in the turbulent 60's and 70's. At the height of radical feminism, I recall some women opining that if women were in charge of the world, there would be no more war. That memory came back to me as I was watching the news over the past couple of weeks. On a theoretical level, I was intrigued by the supposition. Women are, after all , open and receptive by nature. We tend to care deeply and empathize with the sufferings of others. We are often intuitive and nurturing, we watch body language and we listen to others with our minds and our hearts. To my utter amazement I could not believe the sardonic discourse between various women on both sides of the political aisles! I was dismayed by the lack of respectful dialogue and the apparent inability to be open to the other persons perspective. My initial thought was "well, I guess there WOULD still be war if women were in charge". Then I quickly asked myself do I react any better...sadly, I realized, not really! Ofcourse, I couldn't leave it at that. I realized that this apparent failure in these women on television and in my own heated conversations did not reflect the truth of who we, as women, were created to become.

I suddenly had an epiphany! If we, as women, acted from our genuinely feminine nature; we would cease to be contentious and belittling of others. As I reflected on this realization, I found that it had to begin with those closest to me and grow from there. If I can remember that being open to another means that I value them as a person, that they deserve to be listened to and spoken to with respect. This can and should be done with our feminine dispositions aiding us. We do not have to agree with the other person, but they are a person no matter how repugnant we may find their opinions. With prayer and time for thoughtful deliberation we can grow to be more open to others, more understanding and all the while with great femininty and refinement we can lead others along the path of civility!

Being, Rather Than Doing

It may only be the middle of September, but with so much activity at home and in the world I am finding it a challenge to hold onto my hopeful enthusiasm for new beginnings. Difficult as it may be I am determined to keep my perspective! Regardless of the outside demands upon me, my desire to respond, not react, is within my very nature. I am a human being, after all, not an animal that acts out of instinct. It may seem silly to have to remind myself, but as I mentioned last week I have a knack for trying to get a different result by repeating the same ineffective methods. So I realize that one of the ways to break ingrained habits, that aren't helpful, is to begin with some basic truths. One of the most basic is often the least remembered. I am a human being made in the image and likeness of God. My understanding and belief in this truth empowers me to know that I CAN grow and change for the better, if I choose to do so. It allows me to see that possibility in others, as well. As much as I love the beginning of a new day for all the possibilities it affords me, shouldn't I give that same benefit to every other person?!


One of the reasons I seem to get stuck in reacting, instead of responding, is that I often let all of the evidence, for my perceived ineffectiveness, drown the fact that I am a child of God. I am loved and of great worth simply because of that! Sadly, I seem to buy into the deception that my value depends on what I do, how I look, etc. Looking around society I don't think I am alone in this! One of the great impediments to being fully human is to be so busy doing, that we no longer take the time to be. We are capable of thinking about our life, thinking about our actions, thinking about the needs of others and choosing to act in accordance with those thoughts. This is one distinction which clearly separates us from all other creatures. This is a great gift, but for it to be exercised we must set aside the time to allow ourselves to BE human and reflect.


Over the years I have come to understand that this is essential. If I do not take the time to do this I severely diminish my ability to choose thoughtful responses to the challenges of life. Responses which are in line with the principles I hold most dear. I am at peace when my decisions mirror these principles. How often have I told myself, explicitly or not, that I am just too busy to read, to pray, to take time for myself. When this happens I no longer act out of the best of my human nature, but instead I am left reacting. It is then that I find I resort to acting out of emotions like fear, anger, confusion or panic! I don't know about you, but I seldom make my finest decisions based on these overwhelming feelings. I must keep in mind that setting aside time to think and pray fills me with strength and a renewed sense of purpose. Nourishing my spirit with faith and hope actually allows me to be a more loving woman to all those I connect with each day. As a ripple in the stream it reverberates far beyond the initial throw of the stone.


As women in modern society with so many opportunities available, it takes discernment to know how to use our time, energy and talents for the good of family, society and self. Far too often I have decided that this personal time was simply a luxury or "great" if I could find the time. So, you guessed it, it simply didn't happen! Finally I decided, after many mistakes, that I would no longer be tossed around like a ship without an anchor. I would make the time for thoughtful reflection and prayer. Although I have little control over what life sends my way the time I spend "doing" what the world may see as nothing, actually is being truly human. Taking the time to think and pray feeds my spirit like food nourishes the body. I would never dream of missing a meal!!!

New Beginnings

One of the things I love about September is the hopefulness it brings. It ushers in a new school year and with it a new beginning. I love the opportunity to make use of the knowlege gained from good choices made, as well as, past mistakes. Although I haven't been in "school" for a long time, being a mother keeps me in the rhythm of the school calendar-which I still appreciate! I LOVE to learn and there is no finer classroom than daily life. Admittedly, I am not a fast learner. I have often tried to get a different and better result by employing the same , ineffective habits. Isn't that the definition of insanity?! Yet, I try to be patient with myself (and others) remembering that growth is a slow, arduous process . When looked at too closely it is often invisible to the eye. Thankfully though, like the seed in the ground, in time, with watering and attention to the weeds, growth is seen and the harvest comes.



The longer I am married and the more years I have under my belt raising kids; the more I realize how much I have yet to learn. What a relief to know and accept that fact!! In truth, I think that while raising our children, the lessons taught us by the kids is what finally helps parents to GROW up! This past summer, while our college kids were home, one of our daughters said disappointedly "WOW, you didn't do things this way when I was their age!" I quickly replied, " Well, I hope I have learned some things after all these years. While I am still alive I hope that I never get so set in my ways that I am unable to change and grow. That's what life is all about, don't you think?" She looked at me with a sort of puzzled annoyance and dropped the complaints.



One of the things I have tried to instill in our daughters is to see their life in stages, like the seasons.To understand that there is a time for everything, but that it takes patience, hard work and the acceptance that life is a journey; not a destination. As a woman in the 21st century there are more opportunities than ever! I want our girls to have a sense of gratitude for that fact and an awareness that many women before them did not have the possiblities they have. Each prior generation labored in countless ways to provide growth and advancement for those that came after them. It is important to remind our daughters that their privileges came from the sweat and sacrifices of many women before them. As they make their daily decisions, which are often complex because so much is possible now, it is helpful to feel an obligation to those who went before them. To esteem and honor others contributions diminishes the chance that they will squander "their inheritance".

Another new beginning is just around the corner, the 2008 Presidential election. Regardless of party affliation and political stands on the various issues there is one thing that I believe we all can agree upon. This has been and will be an historic election! During the primaries we witnessed the first time a woman has run for her parties' nomination and the first time an African American has won the nomination. Now that there is a woman running on the opposite ticket as the VP nominee, it will be a first for our country either way. That is something we can all celebrate! Americans from all the previous generations contributed to this new beginning for our country. I hope and pray that we can take the time to acknowlege that we have all benefited from their idealism,tenacity and courage. May we honor them by respect for our common humanity and faith in our democratic system. Although we may see things from different points of view and after all the mistakes in the past, hopefully, we can finally learn to have a civil discourse with one another! Well, let us at least TRY!!!